Interned: The Sitcom

One night 5 of us interns were walking to dinner when I realized that our lives would make an excellent sitcom. So, with some ideas contributed by other interns, and apologies to the interns who weren't on that walk (but sorry guys, you snooze, you lose, especially when it comes to Nando's), I bring you:

INTERNED

The entertaining, whimsical comedy about American interns in the Scottish Parliament, starring:

1) Iain

A Scot, real parliamentary employee, and  pub quiz extraordinaire, 23 year-old Iain will be running for local council on a platform to bring back the Hovercraft as a viable form of public transportation. 

2) Yassef

As the token gay guy AND sassy black friend, Yassef can say pretty much anything that the rest of us are too white or straight to say.

3) Colin

As our hippie mountain man who always wears a ponytail and loafers, Colin manages to photobomb almost every picture we take with a ridiculous facial expression.

4 & 5: The Two Audreys

The two Audreys both go to Utah schools, have long, thick, blonde hair, love to dance, and are roommates. You can already see the confusion/hilarity this could cause, I'm sure.

4) Bad Audrey

As a non-Mormon from Utah who goes to the University of Utah, "Bad Audrey" always has to explain that she's not a Mormon, despite the fact that she gets drunk on half a glass of wine. Her blonde moments are always a source of entertainment.

5) Good Audrey

As a Mormon who's not from Utah who goes to BYU, and who's in a place where the two national drinks are whiskey and a hangover cure, "Good Audrey's" objection to alcohol makes excellent comedic fodder and gets her gifts like Disney's Happy Kids Sparkling Apple Juice.

If The Office, Scrubs, The West Wing, and Friends had a love-child, Interned would be it. It would have aspects of office drudgery, politics, and students, all in a foreign country. Win-win-win-win.

The show would also include other hilarious occurrences and characters, such as:

• The series opening with me walking into work on my first day and finding an old guy picketing to see my boss
• Our awkward relationship with our internship coordinator
• Nutcase conspiracy theorists
• Schezey but hilarious Highlanders who will offer themselves to anyone
• A lovable Frenchie who accidentally hits "Reply All" to an email explaining that he doesn't know what duct tape is
• Extreme Scottish Nationalism
• Bad Audrey, a libertarian, arguing with Iain, a socialist, over gun control
• Misunderstanding accents
• Valley girls
• Racing down the halls of parliament with recycling bins on legs when there are internet outages
• Deep fried foods (ie pizzas, mars bars, you name it, they got it)
• Inside jokes that run through every episode

And if our lives were a sitcom, our SNP-funded trip to Belgium would have been the movie.

And despite what you may think, all of this is actually true. We really are that weird. 

And I love every single one of us.

Now who's up for Season 2?

Flight of the Conchords Really Speaks to Me

Today was my last day in Edinburgh. This weekend I've felt like this quite a bit:

For your information, there's an inflammation in my tear gland.
My friends in Edinburgh have really been dabomb.com, and saying bye to them has been less than fun.


I've also already started to experience reverse culture shock, despite having only been out of Edinburgh for 6 hours. Dangerous stuff.

It started in the airport--I didn't even have to leave the country for it to start. We're buying food at the airport to eat quickly, and my dad says "I'm getting chips--do you want to get some?"
I'm immediately confused and a little annoyed with my dad's food choice, because I'm thinking of big fat french fries which are neither clean nor easy to eat when you're fighting your way through an airport.
Then my dad holds up a bag of potato chips.
Oh. My bad.

The second instance was near-fatal.
I go to cross a street in Paris, look to the right, and cross to the median.
One small problem: cars drive on the right side of the road here, not the left.
Oops. Good thing no cars were coming.

Hopefully I've learned that lesson and will get home alive, or else my mom might kill me.

Belgian Waffles = The One That Got Away

If you've spoken to me in the last week, chances are you've heard about Saturday, 26 November 2011, my incredible and never-to-be-repeated day of FOOD PERFECTION. Everything I ate was insanely delicious--quite easily the best of each food I've ever eaten or ever will eat in my life.  I kid you not, this was the closest there will ever be to Food Nirvana. This day of Food Perfection was brought to you by:

Belgium

Last weekend I got an almost-free trip to Brussels for training at the EU, sponsored by the Scottish National Party. (Just one more reason Scotland is great.) Belgium's a nice place, though there's not much to see. The food, however, makes it all worth it. Here's how my day of absolute Food Perfection went down.

10:00- Wake up, because I'm on vacation baby.

11:15- Food perfection begins. 

If you see this sign, STOP. This place is your friend.

On the way to the train station we stopped at a little bakery called Lowy and picked up my first Belgian waffle. Now you may be thinking to yourself, as I was, "what's so special about Belgian waffles? I can just make these in my waffle maker at home." If you're thinking that, you're absolutely wrong.

So I get this waffle, and it's a little hard and there's nothing on it. Naturally, I expect it to be kind of bland and possibly tough. Boy was I wrong. I take a bite into this thing, and my mouth is in absolute ecstasy. The hard exterior has a nice crunch, and the inside basically melts in my mouth. But wait, there's more! Inside of the waffle are small sugar crystals that sweeten it just the right amount to give it flavour without being overpowering. My mouth could not believe that something this great was going on inside of it.

2:00- Arrive in Bruges, an adorable Flemish town. Spend the afternoon in the Christmas market. Experience Parts 2, 3, and 4 of Food Perfection.

My crazy travel buddies. In Bruges.

Part 2- A Bratwurst from a stand in the Christmas market with carmelised onions on top. Not only were the onions divine, but when I bit into the casing on the bratwurst, the inside literally fell apart in my mouth in an aromatic swirl of spices and insanely tender meat. SO. GOOD.

Part 3- Bought a cup of hot chocolate. Easily the best cup of hot chocolate I've ever had-- creamy, frothy, Belgian chocolate, enough said.

Part 4- Another Belgian waffle, because one clearly wasn't enough. There were no sugar crystals inside, but it was topped in strawberries and chocolate, and the waffle melted in my mouth. Divine. 

If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of obsessed with Belgian Waffles. Maybe I ate 4 in less than 48 hours, maybe I didn't, but when it's that delicious it can't be bad for me, right? It's okay to fall madly in love when you're on holiday in a foreign country, even if food is the object of your affection. I don't see anything wrong with that.

FOOD PERFECTION COMPLETE.

I can now die in peace.

The only other food or drink I had that day was a bottle of Disney's Happy Kids sparkling apple juice given to me as a joke by friend and intern wannabe, Paul, who finds my non-alcoholic ways strange and amusing. Maybe not perfection, but still a tasty and entertaining gesture.

This isn't Paul-- this is Iain, my pal and de facto Belgium mom since he was the only one who had a clue where he was going.

This is Paul.

And this basically sums up the rest of Belgium.

"...And This Is Our Government?"

What do you have when a bunch of drunk Scots get together in the Highlands?

This.

This weekend I went to Inverness, capital of the Highlands, for the annual SNP Conference. It was good times when all you had to do was yell "independence!" or "Scotland!" to get everyone cheering.  Then there was some good awkward clapping to the beat for far too long when they would play this treasure of a song:

All in all, it was a fascinating weekend. I learned a ton about Scotland and its political values and why Scotland really should become independent (they have a ton of resources and get almost nothing back, to name one thing). But most of all, I learned that karaoke nights with the SNP are great fun.

 

This guy, a Member of Scottish Parliament
(MSP), dressed up in an Elvis costume for his
performance. It was perfect.

This guy, another MSP, did a hilarious screaming rendition of
 Should I Stay or Should I Go, complete with ridiculous
old-school dance moves. He got a standing O.

Both of these guys work on my floor. I will never look at them the same way again. PARLIAMENT ROCKS.

On a whim, I sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T by Aretha Franklin in honor of the interns. I think it worked, because a staffer who previously tried (and failed) to make me bring him food promised to bring me ice cream next week. Look who's doing the slave labor now! WIN.

And to end the night on an interesting note, I got hit on by a drunk guy who thought my outfit made me look like a Nazi. Then he told me it looked good on me. I'm not sure whether I should be more worried that I looked like a Nazi or that he found that attractive. He really knows how to win a girl over.

Most importantly, though, I got a foot-long tube of digestives for a pound, which in case you're unaware, is an AWESOME deal. Good weekend.

Insert Bagpipe Music Here

So you know how in Braveheart (edited, of course!) there are all sorts of awesome Highlands shots? Well, last time I watched that movie, I got really excited. And do you know why? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE.

BAM. HIGHLANDS.

I'm officially obsessed. The Highlands are absolutely gorgeous.

So here's how it went down.
8am, meet outside of Haggis Adventures, the tour group we used. (They're fun and cheap-- I'd recommend using them if you're ever in Scotland.)


This is our tour bus. Need I say more?

First stop: Hamish, the Hairy Coo.

He's just a big, hairy cow of a breed indigenous to Scotland.

Next stop, Glencoe, which I've heard from multiple sources may be the most beautiful part of Scotland.

This is the way in.



This is purple heather, like from that Rod Stewart song.

It was absolutely breathtaking. No place quite like it.

For the next hour or so of our trip, I saw 3 rainbows. Because Scotland is magical.

1,

2,

3.

This last was taken at our next stop, Loch Ness.
I saw the monster, but unfortunately, I didn't get a picture of him. Which is really too bad, because I would be loaded right now if I had.
But, I did see get pictures of a canal in action! Which is about as rare as the Loch Ness Monster.



The Caledonian Canal.

But here are some Loch Ness pictures I did get:

Scotland has the coolest clouds EVER.

     
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Utah shout-out!



This is where the Loch Ness Monster tried to escape.

On our way back from Loch Ness, we stopped at a couple notable little sight, such as this one:


Too good to pass up.

But really, it was a nice little memorial.

And lastly, here are a few epic shots from our travels home.

Sideways rain over purple heather. SERIOUSLY so Scottish.



And a sneak shot of a man in a kilt.

 All in all, a very good day.

Harry Potter + Scotland + Me = This is really unhealthy...

Some awesome Scottish people: Ewan McGregor, Gerard Butler, Sean Connery, The Proclaimers, Scottie (as in “Beam me up”), Adam Smith, David Hume, Robert Louis Stevenson, Robert Burns.

Some awesome people who’ve lived in Scotland: Alisse Frandsen, Jesse Smith, Ann Vom Lehn, Kevin Calderwood (my former Stake President), Jaren Hinckley (Greatest Music 101 Professor EVER), President Cecil O. Samuelson, and last but most certainly not least...can I get a drumroll please: 

J. K. Rowling!

Reason 58,204,819,304 why Scotland, and more specifically Edinburgh, is awesome—IT INSPIRED HARRY POTTER.

Initiate brain explosion from sheer awesomeness.

So naturally, as quite possibly the biggest Harry Potter fan ever to exist, one of the first things I did when I got here was see the Harry Potter sights.

Oh hiya, Tom Riddle’s grave! Real father and son pair!

That's right Voldemort, you were already dead before you were thought up. NO CHANCE. Maybe you should've stopped by Edinburgh before you created all those horcruxes. Serves you right for underestimating Muggles.

And here's some more Harry Potter-inspiring graves!

William McGonagall--the worst poet in the history of Scotland (according to the tour we briefly bummed off of) inspired the coolest professor ever. At least he was good for something.

Elizabeth Moodie, namesake of Alastor Moody, more commonly known as Mad-Eye Moody. SO COOL.

So JK took some liberties with the spellings, but that’s OK…they fit the characters better anyway.

Also, within the graveyard lies one of the most haunted places in Edinburgh, haunted by the Mackenzie Poltergeist, who I'm betting inspired Peeves the Poltergeist.

AND St. Mungo exists, the namesake of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. I found a St. Mungo's Parish Church today when I was researching churches in our constituency for work.

But that’s not all!

Behold! Hogwarts!

This school was founded by a super-rich guy for orphans to get free education. Not only did its 4 towers inspire the Four Hogwarts Houses, but it’s historical association with orphans inspired JK Rowling to make Harry an orphan, perhaps the single greatest driving force behind his character and his immense love. SO. COOL.

And last, but not least, I ate lunch at the little restaurant where JK Rowling began creating and writing Harry Potter—on napkins.

This is Alix, one of my intern friends and fellow obsessee.

MERLIN’S. PANTS. MUST. STOP. HYPERVENTILATING. NOW.