Interned: The Sitcom

One night 5 of us interns were walking to dinner when I realized that our lives would make an excellent sitcom. So, with some ideas contributed by other interns, and apologies to the interns who weren't on that walk (but sorry guys, you snooze, you lose, especially when it comes to Nando's), I bring you:

INTERNED

The entertaining, whimsical comedy about American interns in the Scottish Parliament, starring:

1) Iain

A Scot, real parliamentary employee, and  pub quiz extraordinaire, 23 year-old Iain will be running for local council on a platform to bring back the Hovercraft as a viable form of public transportation. 

2) Yassef

As the token gay guy AND sassy black friend, Yassef can say pretty much anything that the rest of us are too white or straight to say.

3) Colin

As our hippie mountain man who always wears a ponytail and loafers, Colin manages to photobomb almost every picture we take with a ridiculous facial expression.

4 & 5: The Two Audreys

The two Audreys both go to Utah schools, have long, thick, blonde hair, love to dance, and are roommates. You can already see the confusion/hilarity this could cause, I'm sure.

4) Bad Audrey

As a non-Mormon from Utah who goes to the University of Utah, "Bad Audrey" always has to explain that she's not a Mormon, despite the fact that she gets drunk on half a glass of wine. Her blonde moments are always a source of entertainment.

5) Good Audrey

As a Mormon who's not from Utah who goes to BYU, and who's in a place where the two national drinks are whiskey and a hangover cure, "Good Audrey's" objection to alcohol makes excellent comedic fodder and gets her gifts like Disney's Happy Kids Sparkling Apple Juice.

If The Office, Scrubs, The West Wing, and Friends had a love-child, Interned would be it. It would have aspects of office drudgery, politics, and students, all in a foreign country. Win-win-win-win.

The show would also include other hilarious occurrences and characters, such as:

• The series opening with me walking into work on my first day and finding an old guy picketing to see my boss
• Our awkward relationship with our internship coordinator
• Nutcase conspiracy theorists
• Schezey but hilarious Highlanders who will offer themselves to anyone
• A lovable Frenchie who accidentally hits "Reply All" to an email explaining that he doesn't know what duct tape is
• Extreme Scottish Nationalism
• Bad Audrey, a libertarian, arguing with Iain, a socialist, over gun control
• Misunderstanding accents
• Valley girls
• Racing down the halls of parliament with recycling bins on legs when there are internet outages
• Deep fried foods (ie pizzas, mars bars, you name it, they got it)
• Inside jokes that run through every episode

And if our lives were a sitcom, our SNP-funded trip to Belgium would have been the movie.

And despite what you may think, all of this is actually true. We really are that weird. 

And I love every single one of us.

Now who's up for Season 2?

Belgian Waffles = The One That Got Away

If you've spoken to me in the last week, chances are you've heard about Saturday, 26 November 2011, my incredible and never-to-be-repeated day of FOOD PERFECTION. Everything I ate was insanely delicious--quite easily the best of each food I've ever eaten or ever will eat in my life.  I kid you not, this was the closest there will ever be to Food Nirvana. This day of Food Perfection was brought to you by:

Belgium

Last weekend I got an almost-free trip to Brussels for training at the EU, sponsored by the Scottish National Party. (Just one more reason Scotland is great.) Belgium's a nice place, though there's not much to see. The food, however, makes it all worth it. Here's how my day of absolute Food Perfection went down.

10:00- Wake up, because I'm on vacation baby.

11:15- Food perfection begins. 

If you see this sign, STOP. This place is your friend.

On the way to the train station we stopped at a little bakery called Lowy and picked up my first Belgian waffle. Now you may be thinking to yourself, as I was, "what's so special about Belgian waffles? I can just make these in my waffle maker at home." If you're thinking that, you're absolutely wrong.

So I get this waffle, and it's a little hard and there's nothing on it. Naturally, I expect it to be kind of bland and possibly tough. Boy was I wrong. I take a bite into this thing, and my mouth is in absolute ecstasy. The hard exterior has a nice crunch, and the inside basically melts in my mouth. But wait, there's more! Inside of the waffle are small sugar crystals that sweeten it just the right amount to give it flavour without being overpowering. My mouth could not believe that something this great was going on inside of it.

2:00- Arrive in Bruges, an adorable Flemish town. Spend the afternoon in the Christmas market. Experience Parts 2, 3, and 4 of Food Perfection.

My crazy travel buddies. In Bruges.

Part 2- A Bratwurst from a stand in the Christmas market with carmelised onions on top. Not only were the onions divine, but when I bit into the casing on the bratwurst, the inside literally fell apart in my mouth in an aromatic swirl of spices and insanely tender meat. SO. GOOD.

Part 3- Bought a cup of hot chocolate. Easily the best cup of hot chocolate I've ever had-- creamy, frothy, Belgian chocolate, enough said.

Part 4- Another Belgian waffle, because one clearly wasn't enough. There were no sugar crystals inside, but it was topped in strawberries and chocolate, and the waffle melted in my mouth. Divine. 

If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of obsessed with Belgian Waffles. Maybe I ate 4 in less than 48 hours, maybe I didn't, but when it's that delicious it can't be bad for me, right? It's okay to fall madly in love when you're on holiday in a foreign country, even if food is the object of your affection. I don't see anything wrong with that.

FOOD PERFECTION COMPLETE.

I can now die in peace.

The only other food or drink I had that day was a bottle of Disney's Happy Kids sparkling apple juice given to me as a joke by friend and intern wannabe, Paul, who finds my non-alcoholic ways strange and amusing. Maybe not perfection, but still a tasty and entertaining gesture.

This isn't Paul-- this is Iain, my pal and de facto Belgium mom since he was the only one who had a clue where he was going.

This is Paul.

And this basically sums up the rest of Belgium.