But then I met Claritin.
One time I took a Claritin. Then I took another one 12 hours later. Well apparently, you're not supposed to do that. Apparently, taking 24-hour pills every 12 hours is NOT the correct way to take medication. But I thought they were 12-hour doses. It's not my fault I didn't see the huge "24 HOUR" written on the front. So all day I was really restless. I couldn't bring myself to focus on anything for more than about a minute, even though I'm generally good at focusing. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't entertain myself, I WAS GOING INSANE. But then, I had a marvelous idea. I checked the box. Oops, just OD-ed on Claritin. At least then I KNEW what's wrong with me. "You won this time, Claritin," I conceded with a bit of a laugh. After all, having your first OD with a decongestant is kind of funny. UNLESS YOUR DEAD. Just kidding. Not a fun OD, but a funny and generally harmless one.
So I thought Claritin and I had settled our scores, that it'd had its little fun with me, and now it would be obedient and do what it was supposed to do. Apparently, I THOUGHT WRONG.
Today I woke up with an allergy-induced sore throat. When it didn't go away for a couple of hours, I took a Claritin, thinking since I'd actually take the proper dosage this time, I wouldn't have a problem. I'm okay for the first few hours, just drowsily surfing the internet. But all of a sudden, I'm seized with instant boredom with EVERYTHING. I can't read. I can't watch TV or movies. I'm too tired to go on a walk or hang out with a friend. Nothing sounds fun. I find myself singing "Put the Lime in the Coconut" and coming to the conclusion that finger-painting is the only viable option for boredom relief. Then it hits me. Claritin has done it again! One dose is an OD! You're sneaky, you are. If I'm Batman, then Claritin is The Joker. I'll get you next time, Claritin, next time.
Here's to you, Claritin, the Satan of all decongestants. I have you to thank for my current half-lucid stupor. I'll have you know I still haven't ruled out finger-painting.
